fusionatl

Women stop creating a fantasy world! If a man has not said out his mouth that he likes you then don't invest any emotions for him. If you are in a courtship stop letting a man kiss you until you both say I do. I am pretty fed up with the relationships between the men and women at fusion. I feel that a lot of men and women are not being honest with one another. All I have to say is if you are a man and have a female that you hang with, talk to on the phone and you don't have any desire to eventually court that girl, please tell them right away. STOP GIVING THESE WOMEN FALSE HOPES. Women start being honest with these men and let them know that you like them and STOP FRONTING! Men you to have to realize that most women are emotional and when you give them any kind of attention without stating your true purpose for the relationship, that can create a soul tie. Most women will not tell you the truth about how they feel about you. You may think that the women is just fine with being your friend but in the back of her mind she is hoping to one day win your heart.[/b]

Wow Im glad somebody is bold enough to address this issue because it is an issue at Fusion and it has to stop we have a purpose and we cant let the enemy come in and have its way. We need to really cry out for Doves eyes and ask God to test our motives of why we even go to Fusion and are we really hearing the word of GOD that is being preach by our pastor. God is really speaking but are we listening, I have been a good wreck this last month God has been wounding me but comforting me in the process in regards to this matter. I am not ashame either because he loves me and he knows my heart and my ways because he created me! And Im sooooo thankful that he is showing me truth about this matter. Search me oh Lord, needs to be our prayer. Be a doer of the word and not just a hear. PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY, PRAY, especially for each other. This is true and Im really feed up with the schemes of the enemy. Ladies submit your thought life to GOD, Men live a life of integrity and seek GOD, if we are all doing that this wouldnt be happening because our emotions and affections AND GAZE would be set on JESUS! Men need to learn how to bond with men and vice versa. God wants wholehearted lovers!

This is pretty interesting...I actually had a dream about this early last month...I believe that your courtship should be between The Lord, you, your courter, and your accountability. Some of us have different boundaries than others and it isn't up to others to define what you should and shouldn't do during your courtship. Yes we(people courting) should all realize that we are examples of how you should properly court in the church and that could potentially affect how someone views courting. I personally don't see anything wrong with the different courtships @ Fusion. I think that we're all doing a good job and if we aren't then it should be addressed to a married leader so that they could talk with our accountability...We really just have to pray for one another!!!

There should be no physical contact we forget that once God has grace and allow us to have a courtship, so some might allow little things like kisses and hugs. Not Acceptable it leaves the door open for to many other emotions and that was made clear at Fusion. The rules were implemented for a reason. Question for angelcakes if you were courting would you kiss or hug because I'm not sure what you are trying to say.

Okay, I'll be the first guy to jump in on this...

Jemiohe, I agree with your basic line of thinking, that we need to be careful of how we interact with each other. But at the same time, please be careful with broad generalizations, "I am pretty fed up with the relationships between the men and women at fusion." That comes off like every couple or even those just in friendships are messed up. I don't think that's true & I don't think that's what you mean, but that's the way it can come off.

Also, being careful here as the only guy on a post full of women...sometimes you have to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Not all guys are out to mack on the girls...at least not in every instance! Sometimes they are ignorant, sometimes they are weenie's, sometimes they don't know what to say, and sometimes they just want to be friends.

You also said, "All I have to say is if you are a man and have a female that you hang with, talk to on the phone and you don't have any desire to eventually court that girl, please tell them right away." I agree that that eventually needs to happen, but here's a question from a guy's point of view..."How would a guy do that and it not be really ackward?" "Hey, I know I met you at Fusion the other night & I'm calling you to see what's up, but I really don't like you like that & don't want to court you." I think that would be the most ackward conversation ever.
I agree that we ALL need to guard our hearts & not lead each other on...but from a girl's point of view, how does that conversation happen? If a guy that you've been talking to at Fusion just comes up to you & tells you that he doesn't want to court you that would just be weird. So when does that conversation happen? And how does it go? I think that would help any guy who happens to read this post.

Also, Victora, I know your heart in what you said but we ALL have to be careful that we don't make rules out of where the Bible doesn't make rules. There is really nothing in the Bible about hugging or kissing...those are the 2 "grey" areas in relationships. We obviously know that all forms of sex are out, but the Bible is silent on hugging and kissing. Now, obviously, the most pure that a relationship can be is to avoid those contacts...but in a way, it's denying any attraction or feelings between those 2 people. That can be dangerous in the long run as a couple tries to kill all of "those" feelings between each other before marriage & then tries to resurrect them after marriage. I have talked with couples who had a hard time being intimate after marriage b/c they had trained their minds that sex & those feelings were so bad. Those feelings are from God...but we have to be VERY careful how we act on them.

Personally, I don't feel like there's anything wrong with hugging & there's no "thus saith the Lord" on kissing. The higher law is love. What is the most loving thing I can do towards God & this person in this relationship? How can I most honor them in the long run? You have to be honest with yourself & guard your heart & your body.

We ALL, guys and girls, need to guard our hearts and be honest with ourselves about our motives in relationships. But please be guided by love in everything you do. Love each other & love Christ.

Johnson, I totally agree with everything that you are saying because you probably know the word more then most of us, however what I meant with the no holding hands and kissing rules was that most of the time it may lead to other things. It said in God's word that "if one of your body members causes you to sin cut it off" I believe that until you are married courting or not courting your body belongs to the lord and any affection outside of marriage can potentially be dangerous after all it does say in God word " you should not have an hint of sexual immorality" So define sexual immorality for me. What is all included in sexual immorality?

Hay Victora, the reason why I posted that was to understand why jemiohe was fed up the the relationships at Fusion. I'm actually in a courtship and one of our boundaries does not allow us to kiss only because we didn't want to before marriage. We do hug because that's just practical to us. Most couples in courtship aren't trying to push the limits on how far we can go without going all the way. We don't want to taint one another. And even if things started to become questionable we have married couples to be accountable to. We have to understand that we are human and that desire to love is inside each one of us. I'm pretty sure that the men leading the courtships want to present the women holy and acceptable unto God if they believe that they are truly gifts from God.

Angel, we really have to stop sugar coating everything, if I see something that has room for improvement I will difinitely speak on it. I love and have a strong passion for fusion. I do understand that no one is perfect however, it does say in God's word that we are to strive to be perfect. One way we can do better is to be honest with one another and stop being fake. How can you say that you are all about your brothers and sisters when you can't even be real with them.

Wow... So I read this in class and was like, "I have to reply to this after class" but now that class is over... I don't really have much to say, and being the second guy to respond to this post is something tough in itself.

But yea, there are a few things I guess I can say and see if I go anywhere from there. I guess first I will kind of go with what Johnson said... there is no biblical verse that says, "Thou shalt not hug or kiss the person you are courting." So, like Johnson said, those are left as the grey areas... and going with what Angel said, it really is between the Lord, that couple, and their accountability. Are there people who have been through courtship and got married who didn't kiss until the "i do"? Yes, however there are also people who have done the courtship thing and kissed during it and still remained holy through it all. I guess that's a big thing to me because it seems like everyone in the world assumes that kissing is always going to lead to sex... Is that what we're going to teach our children? "Don't kiss Johnny, because if you kiss her you'll have sex and she'll get pregnant." I just don't think that's how it should be.

However, depending on the past of the person, maybe kissing is too much. Maybe someone who's had a hard past would say kissing is too much and they they would rather not because they know themselves and know that kissing isn't enough... Whereas someone else may say, "hey, kissing is no biggie to me." and maybe kissing to that person won't lead to other things. We've kind of taken that youthful Disney movie, "the kiss at the end of the movie" and now made it the kiss midway through that leads to the next scene... the bedroom. But it's not always like that, it doesn't always lead to that, it's just a sad thing that for our generation, is has been made a reality as sad as it is. So yea, I think that any hugging and kissing that a courting couple does is between them, their accountability, and the Lord. And for us to say, "That's not right" or "that's improper or un Godly" is to say that either their not listening to God right, or your point of view on it is more important than Gods for their relationship and that they should follow what you think rather than God. Right? BUT I do think the whole weaker brother thing should be remembered and applied. We shouldn't want to leave a scene where we would cause our fellow brothers and sisters to stumble or assume or anything. So a courtship couple should be mindful of that, and those around them... But does that mean to keep others from stumbling if they kissed in public they will kiss in private... I hope not... because it's the private times where the enemy seems to have a nice, strong, loud voice... So yea... That's just my thought on all that.

So pretty much, any physical contact that is non-sexual is really between that couple, the Lord, and leadership...

But with they guy needing to tell the girl in the forefront about where their "friendship" is going or what's happening... I don't know. So maybe I should walk around fusion with a card that says, "this is an official friend card, meaning that you will always and only be my friend." That doesn't sound too good does it? But, if I looked at every friendship relationship I have and say I will look at it only as if it were a friendship, then bam... That issue is solved, because really, if it's the Lord it will come up. So all I should do is pray about it, seek the Lord more than anything else, and hey, you never know. But at the same time, if you're talking to someone on the phone for hours on end, and that person has no desire to be anything but friends... then yea, somehow it would need to be conveyed in where I join Johnson in saying, what would that look like? How would that happen? And because that question would leave such an awkward scenario, I would say that it should probably not need to come to that. That's why group hang outs are way better then hour long conversations, because you are less likely to talk about deep personal things in groups and plus, you won't focus on just one person for so long. These kind of things are the things that just guard both hearts by default. Because, talking on the phone for hours will develop some emotion, even if that relationship or emotion isn't in the will of God. It's just what happens i suppose.

In the end.. I think it's a key thing to remember from being a Christian in general... And that is that we are all in this process of learning and growing and becoming more Christ-like. Should the guys be better guards of girls hearts? Yes. But should the girls not try to always blame the guys for being bad guards and take some responsibility over guarding their hearts as well? Yes. If every girl I ever met put it on me to guard her heart, then Lord help me! I'd be horrible. But if she took her place as a guardian of her heart and saw, "hey, he treats me the same way he treats her... and her... and her, maybe I'm reading too much into it, maybe we are just friends." Then maybe that would help with everything. But.. what do I know? I'm not very familiar with much of anything about this lol. I just am going with what I've seen, heard, and experienced. Maybe sometimes we just need to not read into so much, maybe what we see surface level is really, surface level.

Sorry, I think I got a little off topic... But in the end, let's not look at this relationship or that one and judge it, especially if we're doing things differently. We are all in the same race, Jesus is the prize, let's keep our eyes on Him. It's when we look left and right when we begin to fumble around on the track. So lets keep our eyes on Him, and like they've said so many times at Fusion, as we're running, we'll grab the hand of the person next to us... whoever that may be, and keep running, the whole time though we're only looking at Him.

Sorry if I didn't stay on topic... It just all blended I guess. But I'm sure we can all agree that Christian relatinships is just one of those topics where things are always able to be talked about. Because there's no manual to how this or that should be done. And there are a zillion books out there, and some of those books don't all agree with the rest believe it or not lol. So yea, it's big deal when we talk about it because we all want to do things "right" but there's no set in stone way as to what is right and wrong... All we know is what worked for this couple or that couple... so we just gotta seek the Lord in everything, because He's the only one who knows what's best for my individual relationship, right?

Ok so I see where both sides are coming from and I agree with Jose about us women not always blaming it on the men. We need to start being accountable for ourselves, do not give your heart to someone who is not worthy of it. Don’t hold on to something that is not bearing fruit, I think sometimes we have to stop thinking on an emotional perspective and just using holy spirit to guide you in you relationship. I suggest to the women that you go on ITUNES and download a sermon By Pastor C. Dollar called “HOW NEVER TO BE HURT AGAIN – it is a 4 part sermon”
As far as kissing goes there is nothing in the bible that supports that it is a sin, BUT no all of us can handle kissing. I know I can’t! So the thing about it is when you decide to get into a relationship with someone can you please discuss such matter, and that is true that part of the relationship is between the GOD, MAN, WOMAN, AND THOSE ACCOUNATBLE FOR THEM.
Always remember though that as children of God you always have to mindful of the people around you b/c you never know who is looking up to you. And you may be ok with Kissing and someone that look sup to you is not and you cause them to fall.
Ladies I feel were your coming from with the emotions but it also says in the word, “BE GAURDFUL OF YOUR HEARTS BECAUSE IT IS THE WELLSPRING OF LIFE” so be smart don’t just fall

please read Proverb 4 vs 23 in the AMP version

***DISCLAIMER***
THE FOLLOWING POST YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS BY NO WAY PERSONALLY DIRECTED TO ANYONE.

First let me say, what a topic? So much energy and emotion behind it.

Ok now that I have said that.

I think my main issue is not the people that are courting, but rather people that want to have so much input on what the people courting should be doing.

I think alot of times single people (generally speaking) love to live their prospective relationships and views through someones current. A courtship between a man and a woman, whether at fusion or not at fusion, is between them and God (and of course any married couples that God has provided them for leadership), not the man and woman, God and then some random.

Honestly speaking, I use to say, dang there are so many people within fusion that are courting or whatever have you. I use to think "why fusion? there are so many other saved people in other places". Then I realized that what better way then for God to bless you with someone at the place both of you receive, apply, and live by the word taught. So to all those that are courting in fusion, congrats and I pray that God contiues to direct both of yours paths.

***REFER BACK TO DISCLAIMER***

I think sometimes the people that have problems with other peoples courtships in fusion are the "why not me" people. You have fasted, prayed, and applied the word of God to your daily life and you know your desire is to be with an equally yoked person on the same path... and you dont have that or dont have any answers as to when it is going to happen for you. So with that said, you feel all types of emotions when you see other people courting in fusion.

Now inregards to this statement...
"All I have to say is if you are a man and have a female that you hang with, talk to on the phone and you don't have any desire to eventually court that girl, please tell them right away. STOP GIVING THESE WOMEN FALSE HOPES."

I personally believe that it can go alot of ways. It can very well be the man giving false hopes, but it also can be the woman giving herself false hopes, or the woman giving the man false hopes. In the end you always need to be mindful and aware of what type of conversations we are engaging in with one another. Yes, be honest, but most of all tactful. I dont feel like every female i speak with on the phone or hang with , I need to tell them "look we are just friends" , bc somethings are given, but to avoid all confusion, when it gets to the point, speak on the intentions.

In conclusion, my grandmother always use to tell us "if your business aligns with their business, then your advice would be solicted, but until then mind yours".

AND THIS IS ME BEING REAL LOL....

I am not getting to anyone's business, this is just what I have observed, and I believed that if we want to go to a higher level of Christ certain things have to be addressed. Relationships in fusion maintaining their purity happens to be one of them. As a matter of fact I am not deperate to be with anyone right now. I actually have had many oppurtunities to be courted but I have chosen to seek God's face instead. I had to tell my my dream guy last week that I cannot not court him until my heart and life is totally surrendered to Christ. I chose Christ above anything and anyone.

thanks for the topic jemiohe..it was good! see yall tomorrow....

I believe a cracked door is an open door for whatever, hugging and kissing is great for family and friends. When you enter a courtship it is a different thing. It is only so much you can do before your mind and soul is influenced. To ShaneImage I don't believe jemiohe is speaking on just one person but a culture. And I understand that the relationship maybe between you, accountability, and the Lord but your peers should be able to be honest with you, maybe they will see something you and accountability missed. Before my husband and I married accountability was great but they only knew what we told them it was my family and friends who was always around us not accountability.