fusionatl

I have a question....

I have a friend that was dating and fell into sexual sin. She is so emotional right now. She is upset with herself and it's making her physically ill. Other than the obvious... prayer, the word and encouragement, anyone have any suggestions on books to read, messages to listen to, etc. on purity, boundaries, restoration, healing, etc...

Thanks in advance! You guys are always full of wisdom and encouragement.

hey, i feel you about your friend. here are a couple good books that have helped me or close friends get through an emotional time:

captivating by john & stasi eldrigde
kissed the girls and made them cry by lisa bevere

an important thing right now is that you continue to lover her through this.

That's always a tough situation. I definitely feel for her, and thanks for taking an interest in her life. It's definitely a 'must' to restore her & get her back on track with God.

We've done a lot of stuff in Fusion on boundaries & purity (those messages can be found on the site) but we haven't really done much on restoration after the fact, so that's a good thought. We did do a night on healing though which was really good...I think it was in Real Sex (not on the website yet).

I think a big step right off the top is to get them talking with someone who can help them out...someone in leadership at the church. There's a big humility step there, but it is really important. Yes, they know what they did wrong, but once you've gone there once it's 100x easier to go there again. And then it's only a few steps before either 1) the relationship implodes, really hurting both or 2) they disappear and fully give themselves to this. So that's why I say to really stress to your friend to meet up with a small group leader or talk with me.

But I also have a question. Where did you get the title for this post?? "When courting goes wrong?" Was she courting? You said she was 'dating'. I know it's terminology, but there is a BIG difference between courting & dating. If she's courting then she will already have an accountability structure set up with a married couple so they need to talk with them.

Thanks for wanting to get in her life & bring her closer to Jesus!

Thanks for the wisdom. Just to clarify, I am a member of another church with small groups. They were "courting" with the intent to marry. They definitely had accountability. Both a small group leader and a minister on staff. It just became one of those relationships where, over time, the boundaries kinda went out the window.

They are in regular counseling sessions w/a staff minister but I feel like our relationship has been strained. She is still coming to grips of what has happened & in her mind she thinks we (me & 2 others that she shared this with) are judging her. Long before my relationship w/Christ was serious, I went through a similar situation so I would never pass judgement. She made a comment that leads me to believe she thinks I could have done more to prevent them from falling.

I did everything I could. Impart the word, pray, encourage strict boundaries, keep her accountable, encourage her to speak to a minister. All that I know to do.
But I couldn't "MAKE" her do what was right. I'm over the sin. I love her regardless and shared this with her numerous times. She has my full support! But how do I approach our friendship in order to mend the strain? We had a pow wow session w/a minister so that all our feelings could be put on the table just this weekend. But I still feel tension between us. I guess I just need to give it some time.

Hey as far as the strain on the friendship I would definately say give it time and dont force it. I definately can relate being on the other end. I could say that sometimes as people we feel so guilty after sinning that the anger we have for oursleves is so maxed out that we start to look for people to be angry with. Isnt it usually the ones that we are close to that we lash out on. I guess what I would say is dont bring it up unless she does, and just love on her the way you did before. Dont act any different or give any extra attention that you never did before, and I say with prayer and forgiveness she will heal and so will your relationship. She has to forgive herself b/f anything happens with the people around her. Nobody is judging her but herself, she doesnt see it and you cant make her see it. So i suggest you continue to pray for her healing, and allow GOD to do his work on her (I know you want to help but you have tried it your way now let God do it his way).